mental notes

The older I get the more I realise that certain things I liked or enjoyed before are no longer on my rader.

Its hard to explain but in a sense, I feel like finally turning 32 has made me come into myself, realising that many things I don’t value have fallen off just by accident and not on purpose, deciding what path I want to continue to grow in and all that. 

I just want to enjoy this moment and soak it all up. 

Becoming a mum at 18 made this process a little harder in a way trying figure out who I was or what I needed to be for me, I have always been someone for someone else, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mother, a wife. 

For a long time I labelled myself a mother which I didn’t value very high at all mainly due to the way society reacted to me being a mother for my age, Did I hide it? Not deliberately, it just wasn’t something I said out loud due to fear of reactions, and I got plenty of that. (Till this day I never understand why people go out of their way to give you a negative comment.) 

I wish that I had valued it so much more, I did so many things to try to make it seem like I could do it all, that I had it all but really what did I have? Missed moments only trying to prove to others. 

I wasted so much energy on trying to be so much for people and things that mean nothing now, but I assume that it was all for me to reach this very moment. 

This moment of being happy with just who I am. For honestly the first time that I can remember. 

And I am going to teach my girls that this is what you need in life and everything else is meant to aid into creating it.

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